On Saturday, I took part in Cape Town’s Sister March of the Women’s March on Washington. There have been various responses to these marches.
On the same weekend, in a completely unrelated move, I also cut my hair. There have been varied responses to this decision too.
So I thought I’d talk about my haircut…
It was not just a trim, it was a cut – a whole lot of hair was tied into a ponytail, the hairdresser chopped it off and then made a style with what was left. I have had my hair growing out for quite some time now, so it wasn’t something people could miss. As I said, reactions have been varied. Some people love it – they say it is “so you” and that I look absolutely a-MA-zing (sometimes to the extent that I wondered what they have bitten back about my long hair all these years! ;)). Some people say, “Oh wow – you look lovely”…others gasp before they realise it, say, “Wow!” and don’t say anything more. Others don’t like it and try to say something nice about something else about me…or land on, “You look different!” (not news to me, as you will know if you have read this blogpost). My twin, who has always kept her hair long, just said, “Ja – Wendy’s the one who’s OK with doing different things with her hair.”
Luckily, I am not too concerned with what people think (about my hair having been long, or about my hair now being short)…or why people think I did it.
(OK, to be completely honest: as a not-too-regular make-up wearer, I DID decide to wear make-up for a few days afterwards in case it was really a shocker and I needed a bit of a confidence boost…I wish I could say I didn’t care at all about the construct of “normal beauty” at all, but I obviously do a bit).
Some people who asked more questions, found out a bit more about it (and some people I just told because of awkward and not-so-awkward pauses, even though I had originally decided not to tell anyone…and now I am blogging about it!)…
It wasn’t a result of turning 40 this week (which would have been fine) or a way to save water during a drought (someone’s fun reasoning), or a point of vanity (they didn’t ask about the make-up!)…in fact, I had worn my hair long for a few years and cut it short now for one and the same reason: A few years ago, I had found out that CANSA (the Cancer Association of South Africa), accepts donations of hair (25cm or longer) in order to make wigs for people who have been going through chemotherapy. It made sense to me that my hair could be used for something like that.
Some people, on hearing this, might ask whether I had had cancer myself? Did I have someone I loved going through chemo? Some might observe that that is something purely cosmetic and people going through chemo couldn’t care less about their hair loss when their whole life is on the line and they are dragging themselves through each day with minimal energy. Some might wonder if that is the only thing I do for people with cancer and whether I think that, by cutting my hair (and telling people about it!?), I have done “my bit” and can sit back and feel good about myself. Some might say I should not do anything practical/visible about it because I have not been personally affected by cancer and I am being insensitive by doing anything about it without understanding people’s journeys with cancer fully. Perhaps it is even insensitive as I have a choice as to whether I can grow my hair or not, where others don’t.
Some might point out that there are far worthier causes which I could do something about – cancer, after all, is not usually as a result of structural injustices or systemic oppression. Some might say, along with only thinking cosmetically, that I am only thinking of a portion of people who would wear their hair long and who would match my hair colour and texture. Some might ask what I did with my hair for the other 36 years of my life and how on earth I couldn’t have known about this before, when teenage girls have been doing this for years.
And some might say that it would all have been a good (or even OK) thing except that now I have told people that I did it and why, it seems like I was only doing it to seem like a good person, and I should just have kept quiet about it all. And they certainly would not be happy if I tried to answer the people who wanted to know what else I was doing about cancer, about other people who were sick, about other people who were struggling from systemic and structural injustices…if I go into that, I am just doing it so I can boast about it, feel good about myself, and win other people’s superficial flattery.
To do something in the midst of other people’s assumptions, opinions and public admonitions: It is enough to make someone not grow or cut their hair at all.
PS: I wasn’t really talking about the haircut…
PPS: I haven’t had anyone directing things at me personally about my decision to march, but yoh: I have seen some fairly paralysing stuff out there on the book of faces.
From the Outer Limb 